MESSY LIFE

Oprah's Academy faces student expulsions

Oprah's Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa, either expelled or suspended seven students because of "inappropriate behavior."  Oprah released this statement: "Indiscretions resulting in disciplinary action are common in schools all over the world. Unfortunately, because of my name these common infractions place the Academy in the media spotlight."

Behavior problems in schools do appear to be "common" and even on the rise, in the United States. The most predominate increase is often seen in high-risk  or multi- risk populations. This may be because more studies are focused on  populations that historically have lower school performance ,in an effort to improve educational support and delivery. The National Center for Education statistics  publishes many studies which reflect  both cognitive and behavioral trends. 

The two studies that reflect the most frequent indicators of expulsion, suspension,  and other learning obstacles are: nces.ed.gov/pubs2005/nativetrends/ind_3_2.asp and nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/2000/essay/e03f.aspThese studies repeatedly show that male children of color are at the highest risk of behavioral problems. Other issues addressed in these studies are the stressors of single parent households, poverty, community violence, poor test scores, lack of parental involvement and "English as a Second Language" households.

These issues are not new. The United States has always had under supported populations and a rich history of immigration. What is of concern is that we have yet to dedicate resources and put into practice appropriate strategies for  helping students become successful, regardless of their circumstances. 

Oprah is correct in saying that these issues are "common." The question becomes what other teaching methods could we be implementing. Maybe Oprah has an opportunity to explore other educational approaches because her school is privately funded and those lessons could  be utilized in other settings.

Organ donation

Sadly Natasha Richardson died from a brain injury while skiing in Canada. Much has been written about helmets, brain injury and sudden death.The most positive information just released is that,family sources said that Richardson's organs were donated and that this act provided comfort for her family knowing that through this generous act ,others in need would be helped.

Many lives can be saved through donor donation. Although the decision can be difficult for families of the donor,  the gratitude from recipients and the relief it provides is immensely appreciated.

Nearly 100,000 are on the U.S. organ donor list. To dispel myths and fears about organ donation visit www.mayoclinic.com/health/organ-donation/FL00077

And for information on how you can become an organ donor www.organdonor.gov/

For related stories: www.examiner.com/x-785-Relationship-Examiner~y2009m3d18-Relationships-in-the-news-Natasha-Richardson-dies-from-head-injury

www.examiner.com/x-785-Relationship-Examiner~y2009m3d18-Relationships-in-the-newsreports-that--Natasha-Richardson-will-not-recover

www.examiner.com/x-785-Relationship-Examiner~y2009m3d17-Relationships-in-the-news-Natasha-Richardson-is-flown-to-NY-for-treatment

www.examiner.com/x-785-Relationship-Examiner~y2009m3d16-Relationships-in-the-news-Natasha-Richardson-injured-in-ski-accident

Obama girls change schools - helping with the adjustment

Last week Sasha Obama, seven and Malia Obama, ten started at Sidwell Friends School. Although children do not usually switch schools mid -year because their father was elected President, many parents do find themselves in a similar situation by having to disrupt their child's schooling because of changes in the family.

It is best,whenever possible, to allow children to finish the school year because the social and academic challenges can verify greatly between schools and some children adapt better if the transfer happens at the beginning of the school year. However, for many parents this is not an option. They may need to switch schools because of changes in the family structure ( divorce,death, guardian changes), or socioeconomic factors.                                                                                                    

Some guidelines for parents:

• Acknowledge that the move is a loss.  We can be more resilient when we are allowed to grieve first.                                                                                  
• Have a going-away party that honors past relationships. You can also make arrangements for how your child can stay in touch with their old friends .
• As is the case with Malia Obama, if your child  won't be graduating with their current class , you might want to plan for them  to still attend the graduation of their old class. Your child may not want to when the time comes, but  it might be helpful for them to know if that is possibility.
• Allow the child to tour the new school and talk with the new teacher before the actual start date. It helps titrate the change in more manageable steps.
• Find out what extracurricular activities are available at the new school and in the community, and make contact with the coordinators so that your child knows what will be available to them to participate in and what might be the same ,or different from their past involvements.

" Presence not presents" for this holiday

Consider "presence not presents"  this holiday season. Giving of yourself is the most precious gift of all.  Time with each other is what we most long for and often happens less than we would like.

Make a redeemable coupon that the recipient can exchange for the service:

For intimate relationships:

• Give a  massage.
• Suggest a movie your partner will like that you won't, and don't complain about it.
• Have a date night.
• Do the chore your partner hates  most for a week.
• Offer to pick up dinner on the way home.
• Enjoy an activity together that you use to do before responsibilities took over.

For your relationships with the children:

• Read, read, read, and then read to them some more. You can also have them read to you.
• Take children to a park ,or for a hike, or bike ride, and enjoy the outdoors. As  the naturalists say, "there is no bad weather only bad gear."
• Cook something together.
• Play a board game.
• Volunteer together at a local charity.
• Work in the yard or on a house project ,without it becoming a chore. 
•  Take the time to listen and be curious.

For your relationships with your community and friends:

• Bring food to a neighbor in need.
• Offer to help with a household chore for someone who has physical difficulties.
• Call and chat for a few minutes.
• Organize a clean up project.
• Have a potluck dinner together.

Obama and Family Share the Gift of Giving this Thanksgiving

President-elect Obama, his  wife, and daughters, helped to pass out  food at a South Side Chicago church.  AP writer, Sara Kugler in this article, "reported that  Obama  told reporters that he wants 'the girls to learn the importance of how fortunate they are, and to make sure they're giving back.' The soon-to-be first lady said the Obamas wanted to give their children  an understanding of what giving and Thanksgiving is all about.' "

The holidays are a  good time for parents to model empathy by having their children volunteer. What we teach children is also something that is useful to reinforce in ourselves as well.  We often get absorbed by our own problems and challenges. By being of service to others, we expand our understanding of the world and this helps us become less isolated and builds more of a shared experience of community.

For some ideas of  how you can help in your community, go to :

www.holiday-project.org/

www.givespot.com/ask/holiday.htm

volunteer.united-e-way.org/uwgs/org/opp/medallions/

 www.toysfortots.org/

Or contact your local church, synagogue, nursing home, hospital or volunteer agency in your area. There is no end to need, and  the act of giving can lift the spirits and provide hope; which can be the best gift of all.

Managing Your Business During an Economic Downturn

 Times are difficult for management and employees in a wide variety of fields. This article, that appeared yesterday in GigaOm, is geared towards managers, but it is useful for everyone. Specifically the points, "upgrading your skills" and "make more with less."

In the "comments section," a reader suggested  this VitaminCM post that further helps guide an individual through the best use of social media and technology in the job search. Regardless of your current employment situation, being aware of the tools and strategies available to you is an important piece of  managing your career.  These are times that require a proactive and ready stance.

Reporting that your children are absent from school

(AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)

I don't know if Malia and Sasha have perfect school attendance, but it would be fun to see the note their parents  send to their principal.

" Please excuse Malia and Sasha from school, their father was elected to become the next President of the United States."

Happy Anniversary!

Messylife is one year old this month. Life is still messy for us all, but hopefully we have more insight and, at the very least, endeavor to keep learning how to make it a little less so.

Teens and Driving: Ford Motor Company

Ford Motor Company announced a feature called "MyKey"  which will activate when your teen puts their key in the ignition. The key limits the stereo volume, repeatedly chimes if the seat belt is not on and also chimes when the driver hits 45,55,and 65 miles and hour. The car can not go beyond 80 miles an hour.

It may give parents some peace of mind ,but it does not really address issues of driving at unsafe speeds,  texting, or talking on the cell phone while driving. My guess is that teens will learn to "tune out" the car's warning chimes like they have learned to do with other unwanted parental intrusions.

Kids & Cold Medicine

Over the counter cold medications are no longer being recommended for children under the age of four. This article in SF Chronicle outlines the new agreement between drug companies and the Food and Drug Administration.  Pediatricians have been concerned with the use of these over the counter medications in children ages two to six because there is no validity to symptom reduction and young children are at risk to adverse reactions.

This article seems to suggest that the greater concern by pediatricians is a parent's  misuse of the medications, fears of overdose, or the risk of a child taking the medication accidentally. Especially at risk are children age two to three.

Cold medication as with any medication, or potentially poisonous substance, should be safely out of reach of children. Parents need to check with their pediatrician for treatment recommendations and when to seek additional care, regardless of the latest cold symptom pitch.